I know this looks scary as all get out. I think I will
forever be reminded of this day and know that it was just chance that in
all that spinning on the icy highway that both impacts with the big
truck and the semi never smashed on the driver’s side… All I can assume
is that if it had, I’d at the very least have a mangled left leg.
Instead, I walked away with bruises. Bruises… I can live with that.
And I do. I still get a little shaken up thinking about someone being a
nutjob speeding through an intersection when I’m unlucky enough to be
crossing through… But it hasn’t happened yet.
I miss Emmylou. I love that blue car. But red Lucinda will
work. Not only is that name a reference to my poetry collection, but it
just dawned on me the storyline almost echoes the succession of cars.
In the poems, mother Claire dies at the hands of a violent resentful
husband who then also abandons his daughter Lucinda. Lucinda grows up
to marry another farmer man who attempts the same failed ideas of her
father, more resentment and anger taken out on her. But instead of
falling to the same fate as her mother, she packs up and leaves him.
Lucinda not only survives, but she is stronger.
Oh, see that CD on the dash on the left? It was Iron and Wine’s “Kiss
Each Other Clean.” It wasn’t as scratched up as it would seem to be.
It was in the visor over my head. Ray LaMontagne’s “Till The Sun Turns
Black” was playing in the CD player at the time of wreck. I managed to
recover all my CDs after the wreck. Including the John Fullbright disc
that was still in the visor pocket. Oh music, music, music…
I still wonder about the statue I saw in the cemetery that was
alongside the highway where the wreck happened. As I was trying to
think of who and how to call someone I noticed it across the
snow-covered field. I stared at it for a few seconds, grew calm, and
everything after that seemed to just fall into place. I cannot seem to
find any pictures of the cemetery that shows that far left side clear
enough… to see if that was really a statue or if I imagined something
else.
On my lengthy drive the other day it dawned on me the
similarities of three intense crushes I have had, and intense is not a
word to be taken lightly or consider exaggerated.
The first of these involved someone I had only met two weeks before I
moved out of state. We worked together. I went out to eat with her a
few times, hung out at her apartment a few times, and only really got to
know a few detailed pieces of her history, much of her life still being
untold and somewhat guarded. I took a job out of state, moved there,
and several months followed with an intensity of having missed out on 1)
at least sharing with her that I had this crush on her, intense
admiration and adoration for someone who probably didn’t have the same
kind of feelings for me, and 2) having realized these feelings existed
within me too late. I do not think, though, that it was anything similar
on her part. I cried often after I moved. I felt out of place and
unsure of what I had allowed myself to feel and to miss.
The second was a crush on a fellow poet ten years my junior. It came
on rather slowly, but once I recognized it, the welling of admiration
for all that was him consumed me. I caged the feelings. I valued the
slow growing friendship we had, the tiny bits of his personal history he
shared candidly but also without lengthy telling. Bits of emotion,
passion, masked with cynicism and pretended nonchalance. At times the
intensity of my feelings for him declared that I would wait all my life
for him to realize we were meant to be together. I’d wait, not force or
push the matter. Wait. But a another job taking me out of state, him
moving to an even more distant state, every other week phone calls
fading into monthly calls, every other month calls, once a season calls,
and now… I’m not sure when I might hear his voice again. Sometimes I
called him, more often he called me to catch up, share something he’d
read, written, thought out, listened to, watched. He introduced me to
David Gray over the phone when he was in Maine. See, bits of him while
forever be scattered throughout my day in little reminders like that. I
cannot think of David Gray without thinking of who introduced me to his
music. But he’s a protective personality. Private. Anything personal
and intimate that he shared with me in the slightest of detail I felt
was a show to trust and goodness, I wasn’t about to blab what was told
to me to anyone else. I felt I was a valued friend. A confidant, however
small the little bits might be. And now, I’ve come to accept there is
no need to wait. And all this distance and time. Love, yes, but
waiting, no. If I saw him tomorrow, talked together at length, shared
some moments… I can’t say it wouldn’t all flood right back — it probably
would — but I don’t believe I’ll see him again for a long time to
come. So… about 6 years. Yes, 6 years is long enough to wait and to
say, enough.
And now, thinking on this long drive, I think earlier this year I
might’ve had a self-preservation moment. I think I realized that an
admiration for another friend had grown so much and so intensely that it
was becoming a little too much to admit to myself, but most
importantly, to not admit or express to this friend. It would make
things strange, awkward, and most certainly unrequited. I don’t see
this friend having similar feelings for me at all. And she’s brightly
beautiful inside, which is what has attracted me to all these
individuals. Passionate, emotional though with hesitation. True
caring. Also, a very private individual, guarded, and shares only with
whom she trusts, which I think includes me. And so looking back, I
think my weird distancing was in fact some weird way of guarding myself,
but at the same time I berated myself for withdrawing without
explanation, and also missing the friendship I saw forming. I don’t
think I have entirely broken that thread though, and soon it will be
repaired. However, again, I am sure intensity of admiration will swell
up again and
I’ll have to continue to smile through it.
But that’s okay, because the friendship is worth it. Some people you don’t want to lose their presence in your life.
I'm just going to throw a few things together and hope that they will help demonstrate some things I learned and others I figured out on my own. Maybe we can get together over Thanksgiving break and make something together, which is probably the better way to learn anything. :)
So first, I find something that inspires me. Some idea that I might copy as a gift for someone. Here's a few that I have stumbled across and either pretty much copied altogether or simplified to my own capabilities.
Heart ornaments from an Etsy page
So these little red and white heart ornaments are pretty simple. I can tell she had to have cut out 3 hearts, 2 in red and 1 in white slightly smaller than the red ones. First she probably stitched the ribbon loop onto what will be the inside of one of the red hearts. Then she layered the hearts together: plain red heart, then red heart with ribbon loop, and last the white heart. Holding all of that together with one stick pin, she did the red straight stitch you can see tie it all together.
Here's a link to a video demonstrating the straight stitch, also known as a running stitch, which you probably already know it but we'll humor each other. :) I think she does a pretty job demonstrating the straight stitch, plus a good tie-off technique. ALSO, here's a blog entry that details a variety of line stitches, most of which I haven't practiced myself, so I am glad I am creating this little compilation of tips for you! Click here for more basic embroidery line stitches...
So that gets a basic concept down. Next you'll start thinking about layered ideas, different colors, and use the straight stitch for effect. You can use it to secure the layers of felt together or use it as a freehand design. Here are a few images I have found that demonstrate fun use of the simple straight stitch.
So those are some straight stitch ideas. Let's move on to what I call a loop stitch, which can add more interest, disguise, texture, etc. I use it a lot when I am layering some felt pieces and want to "close" the layers, especially if I stuffed it with polyfil. Some people use what is called a buttonhole or blanket stitch. I realize now what I have been doing is the blanket stitch but without staying in the "loop," or some seem to call it a "whip" stitch. Here's a blog entry by someone showing a variety of uses and forms of the buttonhole stitch. And here's a youtube video demonstrating the blanket stitch.
Here's some images of felt projects that use the blanket stitch in a variety of ways, but usually as an edging between at least two layers of felt.
As a contrasting color edging, this looks like that whip stitch...
As an invisible edging... (also, that white embroidery is just straight/running stitches)
Blanket stitch on the outside edge to enclose the whole little project since it is stuffed with polyfil. Also uses the whip stitch around the eyes.
The next thing to show is french knots! I love them and once I got the hang of them I started using them in everything 'cause they are relatively easy and add some interest and texture. Here's a youtube video demonstrating how to do french knots. I'm pretty sure this is the video I first watched. The needle doesn't have to be as she described, but I guess depending on other needs it might be better. I've made knots with three loops instead of just the two that she describes, which means the french knot will be a little bigger. Practice on something with number of loops to see the effect. Plus, the thicker the thread, the bigger the knot will appear.
Also, this woman has a number of VERY well done demonstration videos that I haven't look through entirely, but she seems to be the most articulate and better filmed than any others. plenty of other videos and stitches to learn! http://www.youtube.com/user/MaryCorbet
Her videos can also be watched from her blog, and she's got them organized: How-to Videos by Mary Corbet
Examples of the french knot used in some of the felt freehand embroidery I have liked and tried copying...
French knots used to create floral embroidery
French knots in a circle
Yellow french knots
Just little dots of interest
French knots to make hearts
French knots in the big flowers to hold down the little blue circles down and french knots for the tiny flowers at the bottom. All other stitches are straight line stitches strategically patterned.
So this is a huge collection of ideas, images, links, videos...I hope they helped!
