archive: 23 march 2008: knot on the tree trunk

Oh, I thought I was going to be able to do my laundry today at the same time as hanging out with a friend, so I never went to the laundry mat thinking what I thought would happen was going to happen. But no. And everything I have right now worth wearing is dirty. Especially underwear. Damnit.

And, it really steams me up when someone mentions a concert taking place in two days but straight up only looks at the person next to you (and they know you like this person very much) and make no impression to include me in the "you wanna go with us?" invite, no looking to see if I am interested in the same musical event, etc. Catty. Just makes me feel invisible. And I see no point in trying to play games, because I don’t do that at all. I’m not that way.

Its Easter. People are off seeing family and friends. I wasn’t invited to anything and no one called or emailed me anything. I spoke to the grand total of two people today: one person at Circle K and one person (who I only partially know) who was walking up the railroad tracks. I wanted to be a part of something or be social with a friend or two, but none of that happened... It was a very long boring and lonely holiday for me. Empty.

And earlier I went to someone’s profile and saw that my last comment was deleted. For whatever reason, I don’t know. Maybe it was an accident, maybe it was on purpose. But it kinda hurt. It also makes me suspicious if something’s been told....

And this evening I watched the second DVD of a movie again. And when it was done, I laid down on the couch, and then started crying. At first I had no idea why. But then I figured out that I suddenly felt very alone, forgotten, unwanted. And that is why I was crying.

archive: 12 march 2008: train wind (revised)

I have worked and worked and worked on this one. I shared it with writing buddy Vicky. I can’t quite "let go of it" to show to someone else. I may do what she suggested and that is make a small chapbook with pictures for each of the poems. Might give that.

(deleted original entry and will not post poem here as I want to publish it at some point in the future. - LAH, 4/3/2011).

archive: 06 march 2008: wind of trains

I walked for a while Sunday evening and had a few experiences, a few moments of trains and wind and stars. I finally wrote it all down in snippets and pieces on Tuesday night, 12 pages from my little journal. Yesterday I worked on making it all something. I am not sure if I will let some people read this. It is personal and, for some, very clear.

(deleted original entry & will not post poem here - LAH, 4/3/2011)