Maybe because the moon is waning and my moods/emotions have been kinda sorta roller-coastering, I suddenly felt very sad just now. There's other things to factor in. I probably just need some spinach...or I haven't had shrimp in ages! I just looked up what's got B12 and B6, so that's probably all I need. I know I haven't been eating very healthy. Cheese, tomatoes, bread, some onions, wine, yogurt, coffee, water.... that could pretty much sum it up the last week or so. Not good!
And last night was fun. I should write about it in a prose form soon but this is what happened: I went home after checking email and writing/contemplating some ideas and thoughts. Upon getting home I decided that I was going to dismantle the table there and put it upstairs in the second bedroom. I still have to move the boxes that I had downstairs upstairs, too. I finally called Vicki back and talked to her for about an hour. Next June I may finally get to see her again, meet her husband and her stepson (aka adopted son because his mother's another issue). I've known Vicki since I was in 6th grade. So I finally texted Phoebe to see what she was up to, how she was doing, and she was feeling down about having to move. So I went over to visit, chat, and help pack, but when I got there we ended up sitting in the park across the way because there was someone she spied from her window who seemed interesting to talk to and meet. Turns out he'd been to some parts of Maine she had been to, and he was sending some *stuff* to a friend in a candle. hahaa! Then Cheyan, Emmy, and Adam came round and sat outside talking with us. Adam and I kept recalling all the icons of our childhood, My Little Pony, She-Ra, Transformers, etc, and then the major events like the Rodney King Riots, Desert Storm, Challenger, and where we were when those things happened. I am always amazed at how much detail others remember about those events. For example, he remembers certain broadcasts by Dan Rather was able to explain all that, but I remember only being in my Algebra class in the trailer, Les Kelly sitting in front of me, and there's a TV showing the map of the Middle East with lines and markers. What I remember most about the Rodney King Riots? One tiny clip of the fighting on TV, but moreso Quentin Morgan writing in my yearbook a four-line poem about the riots that I didn't understand at the time. Challenger? For years my memory mistakenly (and it still does) places me watching that on a TV in Mrs. Bailey's classroom when I was in 4th grade (Mrs. Drury's class). I guess it is entirely possible Mrs. Drury had us go into Mrs. Bailey's class. Now I think about it, I wasn't sitting in a desk but on the floor! So maybe I remember it right just got the timing confused because Mrs. Bailey was there. Anyway, we saw it on the TV. And we talked about 9/11. I haven't decided if I will go to the costume/birthday party tonight. I'll see those same people, but I am not sure about it. Then we all went up to Phoebe's for a bit. Mike B. finally came over and the traveler guy (I think) was going to stay with him. Hope so, 'cause Phoebe needed some sleep! It was 3 a.m. when I left.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
archive: 30 august 2007: love
I don't know. Maybe I am just reaching out. Maybe I'm just feeling very sympathetic and placing more importance on that than I should. Maybe I just want to comfort like I want to feel comforted. I know that's not how things start.
I just wish I had someone in my life right now that plays that role: that sole confidant, that lover. Someone I admire just for being themself. I have several friends, ones I see often and feel close to, comfortable being myself around them. I guess I only feel conflicted or complicated when I realize that every single person I meet and admire in some small or large way ignites a crush, tiny or major, no matter who they may be. I had a brief conversation like this with one friend one night; she brought it up as we talked about it on some outside steps at the Bar. I wonder if I am a little more fluid than I give myself credit for being. I am not sure.
I love a lot of people. I know I don't always express that well, but I do.
I am missing people I haven't seen or heard from for a while.
I just wish I had someone in my life right now that plays that role: that sole confidant, that lover. Someone I admire just for being themself. I have several friends, ones I see often and feel close to, comfortable being myself around them. I guess I only feel conflicted or complicated when I realize that every single person I meet and admire in some small or large way ignites a crush, tiny or major, no matter who they may be. I had a brief conversation like this with one friend one night; she brought it up as we talked about it on some outside steps at the Bar. I wonder if I am a little more fluid than I give myself credit for being. I am not sure.
I love a lot of people. I know I don't always express that well, but I do.
I am missing people I haven't seen or heard from for a while.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
archive: 28 august 2007: goodness
I have to be quick but here's the run-down on a great Monday:
1. Received check from my uncle. This was payment for creating and maintaining a reunion website for their high school for a year. I volunteered my time, didn't expect payment, and was surprised to get some moolah. A treat. I promptly cashed it and the one Mom sent me last week (she's sending me money for the banjo because it is her birthday present to me).
2. After work I go to the two music stores I was hoping/waiting to see about getting the banjo from. The first one had already sold the J.B. Player. I went to GoMusic and bought the Gold Tone Cripple Creek and also got a hard shell case. Happiness. I see that case and I think to myself, "I have a banjo!" It surprises me every time.
3. I went to the KFTC meeting last night and took a lot of notes. Decided that I would like to be the alternate steering committee representative for the Madison chapter of KFTC and got seconded into the position. Talked to Toby for a bit about KFW and KFTC and feel positive about all that. I am going to apply for the KFW grant. Now I have to write a proposal and also create one of the bottles right away to include photos and video with the proposal to show what I plan to do. (I'll post a copy of my proposal here when I have it written up so you all can know what I plan to do, try to do.)
4. Left KFTC meeting, hung out with Phoebe and Adam, went to Monty's to get more wine (Bohemian Highway Merlot), come back to Berea and watch a bit of a horror flick at Cheyan's with them, then we all hang outside for a bit waiting for time to pass for the LUNAR ECLIPSE. Adam got sleepy and decided to go on home before it. I got ansty about the idea of getting across the gap to the roof of the other building and decided it was my cue to go home. I saw the lunar eclipse from home and took a few pictures from there, too. I didn't need to get on a roof to see it any better.
5. Felt too ill and lacking sleep to go to work today so I slept in. I tried to call in sick, but the phone system is down. Oh well. I'll explain tomorrow.
6. I am about to head to Lexington to my class at UK. I need to see if I need to purchase any books for the course so that's why I am going to Lex early this afternoon.
7. Sunday is my birthday! I think I will go to Union Church that morning, hike the Pinnacle right afterwards, and not entirely sure what is planned after that. Phoebe and Adam mentioned getting together to hang out, have cake. We'll see.
8. Friday night Mitch Barrett's playing at Ground Effects. Live music is also on my list of things to do. Which reminds me, Thursday night is supposed to be the Female Music Review at The Dame. Might go to that. It's only $7 but it is the trip up and back. Not sure yet.
Ok. Gotta go!!
And today's horoscope once again appears to apply:
You've got to try something a little different today. Your people are just going to bumble along helplessly with or without you, so see if you can focus solely on your own business instead of theirs.
1. Received check from my uncle. This was payment for creating and maintaining a reunion website for their high school for a year. I volunteered my time, didn't expect payment, and was surprised to get some moolah. A treat. I promptly cashed it and the one Mom sent me last week (she's sending me money for the banjo because it is her birthday present to me).
2. After work I go to the two music stores I was hoping/waiting to see about getting the banjo from. The first one had already sold the J.B. Player. I went to GoMusic and bought the Gold Tone Cripple Creek and also got a hard shell case. Happiness. I see that case and I think to myself, "I have a banjo!" It surprises me every time.
3. I went to the KFTC meeting last night and took a lot of notes. Decided that I would like to be the alternate steering committee representative for the Madison chapter of KFTC and got seconded into the position. Talked to Toby for a bit about KFW and KFTC and feel positive about all that. I am going to apply for the KFW grant. Now I have to write a proposal and also create one of the bottles right away to include photos and video with the proposal to show what I plan to do. (I'll post a copy of my proposal here when I have it written up so you all can know what I plan to do, try to do.)
4. Left KFTC meeting, hung out with Phoebe and Adam, went to Monty's to get more wine (Bohemian Highway Merlot), come back to Berea and watch a bit of a horror flick at Cheyan's with them, then we all hang outside for a bit waiting for time to pass for the LUNAR ECLIPSE. Adam got sleepy and decided to go on home before it. I got ansty about the idea of getting across the gap to the roof of the other building and decided it was my cue to go home. I saw the lunar eclipse from home and took a few pictures from there, too. I didn't need to get on a roof to see it any better.
5. Felt too ill and lacking sleep to go to work today so I slept in. I tried to call in sick, but the phone system is down. Oh well. I'll explain tomorrow.
6. I am about to head to Lexington to my class at UK. I need to see if I need to purchase any books for the course so that's why I am going to Lex early this afternoon.
7. Sunday is my birthday! I think I will go to Union Church that morning, hike the Pinnacle right afterwards, and not entirely sure what is planned after that. Phoebe and Adam mentioned getting together to hang out, have cake. We'll see.
8. Friday night Mitch Barrett's playing at Ground Effects. Live music is also on my list of things to do. Which reminds me, Thursday night is supposed to be the Female Music Review at The Dame. Might go to that. It's only $7 but it is the trip up and back. Not sure yet.
Ok. Gotta go!!
And today's horoscope once again appears to apply:
You've got to try something a little different today. Your people are just going to bumble along helplessly with or without you, so see if you can focus solely on your own business instead of theirs.
Friday, August 24, 2007
archive: 24 august 2007: report link
I am posting in this entry the report I finished on Monday. I am not including the title page for two reasons: (1) I use OpenOffice.Org as a word processor rather than Microsoft Word. OO.Org is open source and free, and not proprietary like MSWord. I managed to set the page numbering but I could not figure out a way to make it not number the title page, so I set that up separately. (2) You folks don't necessarily need to know the funding foundation or grant number. I am only going to leave this up for a short while. I mainly want my mom to catch a glimpse from this link for a little while.
http://www.poetess77.com/ACAArchivesInventory2007Final.pdf
I have it in .pdf format with pictures from the archives and special collections I visited. This was a great experience and I am interested and curious if I feel knowledgeable enough to assist in the selection of scholars who will assess the worth of the collections. I think I will work on that next week, listing what colleges had what topics of interest specifically. Narrow it down. I know the interests will be in history, literature, music, and photography, generally, but I will need to narrow it down further.
I am ready for the weekend. I want to throw myself into editing these 24 poems I have written so far, and then start work on the last 6 for the series. I want to submit this manuscript as soon as possible, so the sooner I get this to my readers, the better.
http://www.poetess77.com/ACAArchivesInventory2007Final.pdf
I have it in .pdf format with pictures from the archives and special collections I visited. This was a great experience and I am interested and curious if I feel knowledgeable enough to assist in the selection of scholars who will assess the worth of the collections. I think I will work on that next week, listing what colleges had what topics of interest specifically. Narrow it down. I know the interests will be in history, literature, music, and photography, generally, but I will need to narrow it down further.
I am ready for the weekend. I want to throw myself into editing these 24 poems I have written so far, and then start work on the last 6 for the series. I want to submit this manuscript as soon as possible, so the sooner I get this to my readers, the better.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
archive: 23 august 2007: flip-flops and lay-z-boys
I am trying to research flip-flops.
I have written a poem which describes an older woman chatting with a seven-year-old youngster in the stairwell, and the girl's got on flip-flops. That's what I want her to have on. But were they popular in KY in 1954? Were they called flip-flops or the derogatory phrase "jap-flaps"? I could just call them sandals, but it doesn't give the specific image I want it to give. Flip-flops have a fun summery image to them (even though I cannot stand to wear them myself; that thong blisters my toes) and regular sandals won't call up that youthful image. And I will not use the derogatory "nickname." Even if the poem was being narrated by the old lady, I don't think she would have used that term; she's good-natured and and I get the impression she would have been non-judgmental, meaning shouldn't wouldn't use some phrase like that. Yeah. A lot goes into poetry when you're writing about other people, even fictional ones, and little tidbits of facts.
So... flip-flops. I keep thinking of movies that depict children of the late 50s and early 60s wearing those flip-flops sometimes, but... I can't rely on that as my factual source. Sometimes those are wrong.
agh. And Lay-Z-Boy recliners. I gotta do fact-checking on it too.
I have written a poem which describes an older woman chatting with a seven-year-old youngster in the stairwell, and the girl's got on flip-flops. That's what I want her to have on. But were they popular in KY in 1954? Were they called flip-flops or the derogatory phrase "jap-flaps"? I could just call them sandals, but it doesn't give the specific image I want it to give. Flip-flops have a fun summery image to them (even though I cannot stand to wear them myself; that thong blisters my toes) and regular sandals won't call up that youthful image. And I will not use the derogatory "nickname." Even if the poem was being narrated by the old lady, I don't think she would have used that term; she's good-natured and and I get the impression she would have been non-judgmental, meaning shouldn't wouldn't use some phrase like that. Yeah. A lot goes into poetry when you're writing about other people, even fictional ones, and little tidbits of facts.
So... flip-flops. I keep thinking of movies that depict children of the late 50s and early 60s wearing those flip-flops sometimes, but... I can't rely on that as my factual source. Sometimes those are wrong.
agh. And Lay-Z-Boy recliners. I gotta do fact-checking on it too.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
archive: 22 august 2007: fear and horoscope
I have this awkward feeling about work. I am wary of Spring and whether or not I will be here. Spring as in January... They just better not "spring" this on me. Maybe if they do I would be able to figure something out to keep me in town through May. I want to stay till June 1st. I want to see some of the students I have gotten to know graduate. And... moving is a whole lot easier in warmer weather (though sweaty!) than in cold icy weather.
I think it is inevitable. This makes me sad.
My FreeWillAstrology.com horoscope was interesting:
Virgo Horoscope for week of August 23, 2007
Are you ready to leave the past behind, drop all your assumptions, welcome the return of your innocence, adopt a beginner's mind, and start fresh everywhere? I hope so, because that's what the universe will be nudging you to do. Here are some words of wisdom to incite you and arouse you. (1) "You don't know what you can get away with until you try." - Colin Powell. (2) "Never underestimate your power to change yourself." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (3) "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - my friend Lucy Spinner. (4) "God calls you to the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner.
I think it is inevitable. This makes me sad.
My FreeWillAstrology.com horoscope was interesting:
Virgo Horoscope for week of August 23, 2007
Are you ready to leave the past behind, drop all your assumptions, welcome the return of your innocence, adopt a beginner's mind, and start fresh everywhere? I hope so, because that's what the universe will be nudging you to do. Here are some words of wisdom to incite you and arouse you. (1) "You don't know what you can get away with until you try." - Colin Powell. (2) "Never underestimate your power to change yourself." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (3) "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - my friend Lucy Spinner. (4) "God calls you to the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner.
archive: 22 august 2007: wildcat
I am admitted into UK! I am taking a course post-baccalaureate for professional development reasons. Course meets on Tuesday evenings, on-campus, and the rest of the time it will be online. It will be interesting since the instructor is in Louisiana and will be teaching the in-class sessions through video. The online sections will include her actively involved. Interesting. The course is called Advanced Archival Access. Woohoo!
I am now a wildcat. haha!
This was my daily horoscope:
You may feel like giving up, thanks to weird signals or missed deadlines -- but try your best to hang in there! Things should pick up in the very near future, and you'll be glad you kept the faith.
damn, I love it when it is right.
I am now a wildcat. haha!
This was my daily horoscope:
You may feel like giving up, thanks to weird signals or missed deadlines -- but try your best to hang in there! Things should pick up in the very near future, and you'll be glad you kept the faith.
damn, I love it when it is right.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
archive: 21 august 2007: on turning 31
My birthday is on September 2nd, which is a Sunday.
Maybe I will start going to Union Church on Sundays starting with my birthday.
Not sure what else to plan... hmm...
31.
Thirty-one.
Three-One.
Thirty plus One.
31.
Kinda feels positive. I wasn't upset or aggravated with turning 30; no expectations except my own wish to have published by then. But the year following 31 seems positive, uplifting maybe, possibilities? Ah, who knows. I just have a lot of ideas and wishes, a crush maybe, and a lot of uncertainty about the length of my stay and work. All of that doesn't go well together.
(and since the music search isn't entirely helpful, I am actually listening to "Meet Me in the Music" by Erynn Marshall and Chris Coole)
Maybe I will start going to Union Church on Sundays starting with my birthday.
Not sure what else to plan... hmm...
31.
Thirty-one.
Three-One.
Thirty plus One.
31.
Kinda feels positive. I wasn't upset or aggravated with turning 30; no expectations except my own wish to have published by then. But the year following 31 seems positive, uplifting maybe, possibilities? Ah, who knows. I just have a lot of ideas and wishes, a crush maybe, and a lot of uncertainty about the length of my stay and work. All of that doesn't go well together.
(and since the music search isn't entirely helpful, I am actually listening to "Meet Me in the Music" by Erynn Marshall and Chris Coole)
Monday, August 20, 2007
archive: 20 august 2007: report is done
So I had a funky dream last night. Dreamed about a friend for the second time, and that was kinda weird. And not timely. Ah well. I will write that dream down later. I keep recalling parts of it throughout the day.
I finished the report officially yesterday (Sunday) but today Alice looked it over one more time and suggested the addition of page numbers. So in adding that everything shifted and I had to shift it back into place. hehe. J had the budget report, Alice wrote a cover letter, and the office manager is creating the copies (one to send the foundation which supported the grant and one for myself for keeps). Now I am going to wrap everything up by fixing up the detailed inventories with the summaries and pictures, put those into .pdf format, and burn them to CDs to send to the libraries. Since I took pictures of the archives I am including that for each school so that they may be able to use those pictures initially for insurance purposes or just to have on file for reference, etc. Free service from this photographer/archivist!
After that is done, which probably will be Wednesday at the latest unless I need to order CDs with cases, I will return to sorting through all the ACA Institutional Archives. I am pretty much looking forward to that because it is a thinking AND hands-on king of work. Writing a report and summarizing things was a brain drain.
I am ready to get back to my artsy projects. Going to look into the KFW grants. Maybe? I don't think that my bottle projects could necessarily count as art for social change? If I could really work in the community seminar/course thing I think it would work, but its the time-intensive research part that is the hardest part. Inclusiveness.
((((EDIT: Ok, I think I figured it out. Apply for the current one available (Artist Enrichment Grant) to get the creation of the art done. The grants are awarded no later than December 30th, which would enable me to work on it during the January-May months (or less) in 2008 in addition to the 8-5 job. I was thinking about following that up with an application for the Art Meets Activism grant which could then support the seminars or workshops, but those awards would be around June 30th, and considering everything going on about work, I don't think that will happen. ehh... I don't know. All this uncertainty makes me ill. bah! And it keeps me from pursuing... other ideas. gah! ))))
I finished the report officially yesterday (Sunday) but today Alice looked it over one more time and suggested the addition of page numbers. So in adding that everything shifted and I had to shift it back into place. hehe. J had the budget report, Alice wrote a cover letter, and the office manager is creating the copies (one to send the foundation which supported the grant and one for myself for keeps). Now I am going to wrap everything up by fixing up the detailed inventories with the summaries and pictures, put those into .pdf format, and burn them to CDs to send to the libraries. Since I took pictures of the archives I am including that for each school so that they may be able to use those pictures initially for insurance purposes or just to have on file for reference, etc. Free service from this photographer/archivist!
After that is done, which probably will be Wednesday at the latest unless I need to order CDs with cases, I will return to sorting through all the ACA Institutional Archives. I am pretty much looking forward to that because it is a thinking AND hands-on king of work. Writing a report and summarizing things was a brain drain.
I am ready to get back to my artsy projects. Going to look into the KFW grants. Maybe? I don't think that my bottle projects could necessarily count as art for social change? If I could really work in the community seminar/course thing I think it would work, but its the time-intensive research part that is the hardest part. Inclusiveness.
((((EDIT: Ok, I think I figured it out. Apply for the current one available (Artist Enrichment Grant) to get the creation of the art done. The grants are awarded no later than December 30th, which would enable me to work on it during the January-May months (or less) in 2008 in addition to the 8-5 job. I was thinking about following that up with an application for the Art Meets Activism grant which could then support the seminars or workshops, but those awards would be around June 30th, and considering everything going on about work, I don't think that will happen. ehh... I don't know. All this uncertainty makes me ill. bah! And it keeps me from pursuing... other ideas. gah! ))))
Saturday, August 18, 2007
archive: 18 august 2007: the list
I woke several times this morning... Really I woke at 9 and tried to go back to sleep but just couldn't.... When I finally got up, started getting dressed, and was thinking... Some things have got to change. My projects need to get started, I need to go to the gym regularly, I need to spend less and cook more. So I am going to create THE list here. Ideas and projects and mundane duties and needs and wants.
1. Seven Pleiades bottles: collages on bottles. The pleiades series will focus on the myths concerning the star cluster from around the world. It will also include the myths that is attributed to each goddess/mythological person the stars are named after. Also might include information about the astronomical facts/info we have about them (binary stars, etc.).
(either will use the big jug bottles or the varying sizes of liquor bottles I have access to - varying sizes to depict the brightness or dimness of the stars... I originally thought that I would include a bottle for each star that makes up each of the stars (ie, binary and dual-binary stars are in fact counted at one star in the cluster, etc, so therefore one of my Pleiades-creations might be actually four bottles tied together somehow... kinda complicated, maybe?)
2. Nine Muses bottles: Something very similar to the Pleiades series. Might have some different attributes. Might take shredded paper from office (recycle!), paint it solid colors, stuff it into the big jug bottles. Insert other little trinkets and things inside for effect. Paint and collage outside in certain areas, but not the whole thing or else the inside looses effect - Or make peering down inside the mouth an effect to see something small and mysterious on the inside. Like peering inside one of those old Christmas ornaments we used to have at home... tiny details inside it.
3. Strong Women in World Religions: I am not sure if I will do this in bottle form, or on these cabinet doors I have sitting on my back porch, or strictly in the book form I will explain in 4. I want to do this one, but I know it will consist of a lot of research, note-taking, thinking and finding as much diversity as I can find possible (I try/want to represent as many religions/beliefs and as best I can). I know that I will have to limit myself for some religions - ie, Christianity has quite a few women mentioned in the Bible who could be considered strong women, powerful women in their own right. How many do I portray?) And do I choose women based on the religious texts (many religions' texts don't name specific women but use them generally; In those cases I would refer to the history-makers of that religion and find the specific women who shook things up or were positive forces in that religious history. BUT if I do that would I better then not use women from the Biblical text but from Christianity's history? Some people would say that they are the same, but that might be up for debate, ie - that the Bible is a History Text AND/OR Religious Text). In my view, the Bible is not objective. If I am going to research the lives and character of women in other world religions' history, which might mean a more objective look at the facts and actions, then the same should be done with women of Christianity's history and not refer to the debatable lives/actions of the women depicted in the Bible. AH... Complicated. Maybe I am worried about what others might think or infer.
4. Along with either or all of the bottle projects I would need something that explains them and the research I gathered. I have seen recycled books that were made in this wonderfully fantastic artistic way. Get used and beat up books that are at garage sales, Goodwill, etc, and paint over all the pages. Make it a scrapbook of sorts. Glue pages together to make the artbook's pages thicker and sturdier for the final project. This might make the book lie open, but that's ok. Type or write pieces to be pasted into it, collage some pages, etc. This is to complement in the bottle, to provide a text for understanding the bottle's depictions, etc.
5. Lexington Lives, 1800s-1900s - Poetry project of 30 poems and 30 photos of headstones and/or grave rubbings, etc. I have 20 or more written so far. I have been editing some of the ones I have already, and I still need to write the rest. Talking with Vicky I have been given the idea that I might be able to/ought to first submit that manuscript to the UK Press. They might would be interested in it. She read a few of my poems and gave some suggestions, thoughts. I need to do some research on some concepts I use in them. I need to work on these some more. Maybe if I can get up earlier I can devote an hour to them in the mornings. Then I will edit, revise, and send off a copy of the total manuscript to Vicky, Michael, and Libby. Possibly have Rachel and Robert at the college sit with them, too. (ballad to Carol). One more revision and then final manuscript draft to UK. Take it from there.
6. Submit some poems to Appalachian Heritage.
7. Workout at gym after work daily or three times a week?
8. I am waiting to find out if I will be admitted into UK this Fall for a class that meets once a week on campus and a few times online. Not sure if that will happen. I was admitted and accepted into the class!
9. I want to do something about mountains. Not sure what yet. But there's something wanting to come out about that.
10. I need to go through all my belongings and get rid of STUFF again. Perennial? I just gathered a bunch of t-shirts I never wear: they're going to goodwill. I have gone through half my books and picked out stuff I sell to Robie-and-Robie. When I finish reading the books I do have, I will also sell or give them away. I don't have room, don't have need, don't reread most of my books. Only a few have sentimental value to them for me. One I gave to someone and it ended up back in my possession when we broke up. I guess I could tear out the title page and still sell it, but... weird. Some of the books I am keeping are signed (Willie Morris, Eudora Welty, etc.)
11. Banjo - After September 12th I'll either have it or will be buying/getting it. Some learning and playing will take place after that.
12. I am wondering about the Kentucky Foundation for Women. I have heard about grants/scholarships they give to approved proposals to work on and create projects. I have an idea for something but I really don't know yet what to do or how to figure it into something for the community. All this research I am going to have to do for the Strong Women in World Religions project would make an interesting class/discussion/seminar for women in community. It would be interesting to know/see/share that information with others not just in the creative form for my art project but also in the lives of others. Learning about women making a difference. I'm not exactly a religious person; I am spiritual in some ways but I cannot explain how. I guess I just do what I do; I feel as if I haven't been in a "place" for some time which nurtures me like I have in the past, but work, projects, ideas bog me down and keep me from doing the hiking and nature stuff I have loved. If I had my own place I would like to work on a flower garden, maybe a veggie garden. Anyway - I digressed - I wonder how a grant from them would help me: just afford the expense of the work or would it help my living costs? eh. Would I be able to take off from a 8-5 workday to work during that time on the research and/or classes? If these were community classes I would probably offer them up like Kyrai opens hers on the weekends only, or Andri's belly-dancing classes on weekday evenings. I don't know. It would be interesting. I don't know how good it would be, but I would hope that it would be something interesting and beneficial in some way. It didn't work out; I was late in applying because I forgot about it needing letters of recommendation. It would have been too short notice to get anyone to write anything on my behalf.
13. One day I will do my Churches of Madison County, Mississippi, project. One day. I will write about that some other day. It involves: photographs of the church, oral histories with pastor(s) and eldest folks of the congregation, research from news clippings of the church, etc. Combine into book form. Either a "history text" or a "pretty colorful informative coffee table book." ya see? Oh by church I meant ALL INCLUSIVE. None left out.
14. I want to get on the Greyhound bus and go somewhere sometime soon. Maybe I will use that to get home for Thanksgiving? I could drive, but I have never ridden a Greyhound. I might ought to do that for the writer in me. NOT! $254 for a round-trip on the Greyhound leaving on Wednesday and returning on Sunday? agh. nope. Ahh.. and it has something to do with the holiday. damnit. oh well. my car is it. And the train is out. I thought that there might would be one from Cincy to Jackson, MS, but apparently not; it has to go from Cincy to Chicago before going to Jackson. And the total comes nearly to $300. agh. Oh well. Maybe some other time.
15. Add more to list later. I should go do something now. haha! Later I will work on the report - adding those photos to it and figuring out how to make it a .pdf formatted file without having to buy some program. I am sure it can be done! somehow! hehe. This is the "fun" part. The writing part was what bogged me down. I got tired of writing in here's-my-inventory-data-collected style. AGH.
1. Seven Pleiades bottles: collages on bottles. The pleiades series will focus on the myths concerning the star cluster from around the world. It will also include the myths that is attributed to each goddess/mythological person the stars are named after. Also might include information about the astronomical facts/info we have about them (binary stars, etc.).
(either will use the big jug bottles or the varying sizes of liquor bottles I have access to - varying sizes to depict the brightness or dimness of the stars... I originally thought that I would include a bottle for each star that makes up each of the stars (ie, binary and dual-binary stars are in fact counted at one star in the cluster, etc, so therefore one of my Pleiades-creations might be actually four bottles tied together somehow... kinda complicated, maybe?)
2. Nine Muses bottles: Something very similar to the Pleiades series. Might have some different attributes. Might take shredded paper from office (recycle!), paint it solid colors, stuff it into the big jug bottles. Insert other little trinkets and things inside for effect. Paint and collage outside in certain areas, but not the whole thing or else the inside looses effect - Or make peering down inside the mouth an effect to see something small and mysterious on the inside. Like peering inside one of those old Christmas ornaments we used to have at home... tiny details inside it.
3. Strong Women in World Religions: I am not sure if I will do this in bottle form, or on these cabinet doors I have sitting on my back porch, or strictly in the book form I will explain in 4. I want to do this one, but I know it will consist of a lot of research, note-taking, thinking and finding as much diversity as I can find possible (I try/want to represent as many religions/beliefs and as best I can). I know that I will have to limit myself for some religions - ie, Christianity has quite a few women mentioned in the Bible who could be considered strong women, powerful women in their own right. How many do I portray?) And do I choose women based on the religious texts (many religions' texts don't name specific women but use them generally; In those cases I would refer to the history-makers of that religion and find the specific women who shook things up or were positive forces in that religious history. BUT if I do that would I better then not use women from the Biblical text but from Christianity's history? Some people would say that they are the same, but that might be up for debate, ie - that the Bible is a History Text AND/OR Religious Text). In my view, the Bible is not objective. If I am going to research the lives and character of women in other world religions' history, which might mean a more objective look at the facts and actions, then the same should be done with women of Christianity's history and not refer to the debatable lives/actions of the women depicted in the Bible. AH... Complicated. Maybe I am worried about what others might think or infer.
4. Along with either or all of the bottle projects I would need something that explains them and the research I gathered. I have seen recycled books that were made in this wonderfully fantastic artistic way. Get used and beat up books that are at garage sales, Goodwill, etc, and paint over all the pages. Make it a scrapbook of sorts. Glue pages together to make the artbook's pages thicker and sturdier for the final project. This might make the book lie open, but that's ok. Type or write pieces to be pasted into it, collage some pages, etc. This is to complement in the bottle, to provide a text for understanding the bottle's depictions, etc.
5. Lexington Lives, 1800s-1900s - Poetry project of 30 poems and 30 photos of headstones and/or grave rubbings, etc. I have 20 or more written so far. I have been editing some of the ones I have already, and I still need to write the rest. Talking with Vicky I have been given the idea that I might be able to/ought to first submit that manuscript to the UK Press. They might would be interested in it. She read a few of my poems and gave some suggestions, thoughts. I need to do some research on some concepts I use in them. I need to work on these some more. Maybe if I can get up earlier I can devote an hour to them in the mornings. Then I will edit, revise, and send off a copy of the total manuscript to Vicky, Michael, and Libby. Possibly have Rachel and Robert at the college sit with them, too. (ballad to Carol). One more revision and then final manuscript draft to UK. Take it from there.
6. Submit some poems to Appalachian Heritage.
7. Workout at gym after work daily or three times a week?
8. I am waiting to find out if I will be admitted into UK this Fall for a class that meets once a week on campus and a few times online. Not sure if that will happen. I was admitted and accepted into the class!
9. I want to do something about mountains. Not sure what yet. But there's something wanting to come out about that.
10. I need to go through all my belongings and get rid of STUFF again. Perennial? I just gathered a bunch of t-shirts I never wear: they're going to goodwill. I have gone through half my books and picked out stuff I sell to Robie-and-Robie. When I finish reading the books I do have, I will also sell or give them away. I don't have room, don't have need, don't reread most of my books. Only a few have sentimental value to them for me. One I gave to someone and it ended up back in my possession when we broke up. I guess I could tear out the title page and still sell it, but... weird. Some of the books I am keeping are signed (Willie Morris, Eudora Welty, etc.)
11. Banjo - After September 12th I'll either have it or will be buying/getting it. Some learning and playing will take place after that.
13. One day I will do my Churches of Madison County, Mississippi, project. One day. I will write about that some other day. It involves: photographs of the church, oral histories with pastor(s) and eldest folks of the congregation, research from news clippings of the church, etc. Combine into book form. Either a "history text" or a "pretty colorful informative coffee table book." ya see? Oh by church I meant ALL INCLUSIVE. None left out.
14. I want to get on the Greyhound bus and go somewhere sometime soon. Maybe I will use that to get home for Thanksgiving? I could drive, but I have never ridden a Greyhound. I might ought to do that for the writer in me. NOT! $254 for a round-trip on the Greyhound leaving on Wednesday and returning on Sunday? agh. nope. Ahh.. and it has something to do with the holiday. damnit. oh well. my car is it. And the train is out. I thought that there might would be one from Cincy to Jackson, MS, but apparently not; it has to go from Cincy to Chicago before going to Jackson. And the total comes nearly to $300. agh. Oh well. Maybe some other time.
15. Add more to list later. I should go do something now. haha! Later I will work on the report - adding those photos to it and figuring out how to make it a .pdf formatted file without having to buy some program. I am sure it can be done! somehow! hehe. This is the "fun" part. The writing part was what bogged me down. I got tired of writing in here's-my-inventory-data-collected style. AGH.
Friday, August 17, 2007
archive: 17 august 2007: the seasons - a poem/song
Oh whisper soft, one thought to say it all, sunny days,
open heart through the bright hours, a cheer of joy,
sing away morning smoothness to the springtime sun.
Oh sing one, just sing one evening to the summer moon,
sing that orange crescent low, all night long, sing it down
till that little heart opens up, open wide and bring it home.
Oh sing one, just sing one morning to the autumn sun,
sing till the sunflower rises to noon, all day long, sing it loud
till that little heart opens up, open wide and bring it home.
Oh whisper soft, one word to lay it all down, sweet stars,
open heart through the quiet hours, a melody of love,
sing away evening sweetness to the wintertime moon.
-------
A little white wine will do this. I borrowed that from Phoebe's place (I will replace before she returns; Gus the cat was happy for my momentary presence). I might ought to get more of my own at the store. hmm. Maybe I should just have some of that Jameson and ginger ale. I can't handle just sipping shots, just like I can't handle the bitterness of just plain cappuccinos: I gotta have something sweet to cut it.
open heart through the bright hours, a cheer of joy,
sing away morning smoothness to the springtime sun.
Oh sing one, just sing one evening to the summer moon,
sing that orange crescent low, all night long, sing it down
till that little heart opens up, open wide and bring it home.
Oh sing one, just sing one morning to the autumn sun,
sing till the sunflower rises to noon, all day long, sing it loud
till that little heart opens up, open wide and bring it home.
Oh whisper soft, one word to lay it all down, sweet stars,
open heart through the quiet hours, a melody of love,
sing away evening sweetness to the wintertime moon.
-------
A little white wine will do this. I borrowed that from Phoebe's place (I will replace before she returns; Gus the cat was happy for my momentary presence). I might ought to get more of my own at the store. hmm. Maybe I should just have some of that Jameson and ginger ale. I can't handle just sipping shots, just like I can't handle the bitterness of just plain cappuccinos: I gotta have something sweet to cut it.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
archive: 15 august 2007: stress
As these days wander two by two, one by one,
Monday's hours echo into Wednesday evenings,
Saturday's lonesome melancholy moments meander,
as working hours turn me over on my back, clawing,
etching lines of stress and ache, starved muscles burn,
bleed as the papers pile, stack by stack, none done.
-----
AGH. Nevermind whatever that is... ok. That's hopeless. I feel achy. This "poem" over-dramatizes. I like some of the word-play though. Its worked over, not sincere because I stretched it with the word play. I agree with Michael about that, but I tend to do this naturally sometimes with poems. Sometimes it is the wordplay that comes to me before the emotion I want to express; sometimes simultaneously they come.
I just feel stressed by this report. I think I might have till Friday to finish it. I hope so. But I gotta get back on it. No play tonight. Last night when I stopped by Phoebe's to visit Gus the Cat I ended up straightening up her kitchen for her. I gotta take the trash down... I want to straighten up other areas but I think it will just be the kitchen; other rooms have a lot more personal stuff in them and I don't want to disturb that or her worry that I got nosy. ok. Back to work, Laura!!
----
EDIT: Today's daily horoscope should have come yesterday 'cause that's what I did to Phoebe's kitchen! haha!
"You're inspired to clean some corner of your home or office that doesn't usually get much love. Your positive energy makes it easier and considerably more fun than you would have expected."
Monday's hours echo into Wednesday evenings,
Saturday's lonesome melancholy moments meander,
as working hours turn me over on my back, clawing,
etching lines of stress and ache, starved muscles burn,
bleed as the papers pile, stack by stack, none done.
-----
AGH. Nevermind whatever that is... ok. That's hopeless. I feel achy. This "poem" over-dramatizes. I like some of the word-play though. Its worked over, not sincere because I stretched it with the word play. I agree with Michael about that, but I tend to do this naturally sometimes with poems. Sometimes it is the wordplay that comes to me before the emotion I want to express; sometimes simultaneously they come.
I just feel stressed by this report. I think I might have till Friday to finish it. I hope so. But I gotta get back on it. No play tonight. Last night when I stopped by Phoebe's to visit Gus the Cat I ended up straightening up her kitchen for her. I gotta take the trash down... I want to straighten up other areas but I think it will just be the kitchen; other rooms have a lot more personal stuff in them and I don't want to disturb that or her worry that I got nosy. ok. Back to work, Laura!!
----
EDIT: Today's daily horoscope should have come yesterday 'cause that's what I did to Phoebe's kitchen! haha!
"You're inspired to clean some corner of your home or office that doesn't usually get much love. Your positive energy makes it easier and considerably more fun than you would have expected."
Monday, August 13, 2007
archive: 13 august 2007: banjos and reports
Actually, I probably won't get the banjo before September 12th, now. Its a fussy issue of phones, credit cards, and long distance. But that's ok. I will stop by and see what might be worked out. Maybe a downpayment on it to reserve it for me. I doubt, in that case, that I can convince him to do the "other favor" of throwing in a few things for free (capo, tuner, strap, maybe some extra strings) but who knows. If I am going in there asking if I can put a downpayment on it, I doubt I have room to play bargainer. Ahh... It is one or the other, I believe. It won't hurt to ask. And if the downpayment has to be more than $50 I probably can't do it, but I have my doubt that the banjo will sell in a month, too. If it does, then I will get the one I saw at the flea market place. I liked it a lot, too, and he's struck me as a good country man. Who knows, I might still get it instead even if the other one is still available. Guess I will decide that in mid-September instead.
Back to work!! This report is making my hair fall out. haha. I am ready to be done with it. I totally screwed up with procrastination. So I shall be up again all night tonight working on it. I don't think I will have the complimentary video done in time for Wednesday, but I will work on that later in the week.
EDIT (afternoon): So I found out just now she (boss) won't be back in town until late Tuesday and then Wednesday she's going to Knoxville so she likely won't be back in the office that day, so I can probably turn this thing in Thursday to her, or even Friday if there's just a few things to wrap up. That helps, because I wasn't feeling it was going to get done on Tuesday night. Ahh... Most of the rest of the schools I need to work on are smaller collections, except for University of the South! OUCH! But that one I think is very well organized and that helps me in this stage. ok. later!
Back to work!! This report is making my hair fall out. haha. I am ready to be done with it. I totally screwed up with procrastination. So I shall be up again all night tonight working on it. I don't think I will have the complimentary video done in time for Wednesday, but I will work on that later in the week.
EDIT (afternoon): So I found out just now she (boss) won't be back in town until late Tuesday and then Wednesday she's going to Knoxville so she likely won't be back in the office that day, so I can probably turn this thing in Thursday to her, or even Friday if there's just a few things to wrap up. That helps, because I wasn't feeling it was going to get done on Tuesday night. Ahh... Most of the rest of the schools I need to work on are smaller collections, except for University of the South! OUCH! But that one I think is very well organized and that helps me in this stage. ok. later!
archive: 13 august 2007: poem i guess
I'm in a mood again. I cannot put a name to it.
Maybe it came down with the meteor shower.
Maybe it came down when we parted yesterday.
Or maybe these moods are signaling the moon,
the sway in body and flow, appetite and need,
the sway of emotions ebbing, secrets revealing.
Emotional epiphanies exciting a moment's want
to share, say, confess, write and admit: Speak out
that underlining thought that currents in my eyes
when I see you here and there, often or scarce.
That thought, a timidly pensive contemplative idea
to get to know, to say hello, to wish a moment or two
spent in melodic smiles, conversational harmonies,
and maybe bars, bridges, and chords of laughing hours.
---------------
kinda random here, these thoughts that trespass and awaken, that remind and insist that these are days I miss and desire, these are moments that I wish to know again with a new likeness, and once again I smile, say hello, stutter timidly, and wish I knew something witty to say.
Maybe it came down with the meteor shower.
Maybe it came down when we parted yesterday.
Or maybe these moods are signaling the moon,
the sway in body and flow, appetite and need,
the sway of emotions ebbing, secrets revealing.
Emotional epiphanies exciting a moment's want
to share, say, confess, write and admit: Speak out
that underlining thought that currents in my eyes
when I see you here and there, often or scarce.
That thought, a timidly pensive contemplative idea
to get to know, to say hello, to wish a moment or two
spent in melodic smiles, conversational harmonies,
and maybe bars, bridges, and chords of laughing hours.
---------------
kinda random here, these thoughts that trespass and awaken, that remind and insist that these are days I miss and desire, these are moments that I wish to know again with a new likeness, and once again I smile, say hello, stutter timidly, and wish I knew something witty to say.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
archive: 9 august 2007: stress, tired, and other things
Something must not be right with me right now. Yesterday it seemed like a sandstorm hit me and hasn't left yet, 'causing me to cry for 30 minutes last night for no real reason (though I know it I won't go into it here; its too much), and I still feel drained after all that. I guess its a combination of stress and loneliness. But I will have to deal with the stress part a little longer and get this report written by next week, and the loneliness part... well, keep dealing with it as I have been. Once I get this report done I can get started on those bottle collages. That will occupy me for a while.
There's things I want to do but my rationalization about the next 9-11 months hold me back. My tarot cards tell me otherwise, but it is tiring, honestly.
Maybe sometime soon I can trip out to Mammoth Cave finally. I haven't been out that way and I need to visit soon. That would be nice.
And I know I need to regularly meditate and exercise. There's just so many hours and so much I want to get done. Overwhelming at times. I'm tired.
There's things I want to do but my rationalization about the next 9-11 months hold me back. My tarot cards tell me otherwise, but it is tiring, honestly.
Maybe sometime soon I can trip out to Mammoth Cave finally. I haven't been out that way and I need to visit soon. That would be nice.
And I know I need to regularly meditate and exercise. There's just so many hours and so much I want to get done. Overwhelming at times. I'm tired.
archive: 9 august 2007: banjo joy
Probably within the next two weeks I will have my banjo! Probably less than that.
Mom wrote me back and said that she could swing it.
It dawned on me just a few minutes ago how big this is to me. You know, when family or friends ask you what you want for Christmas or your Birthday or some other holiday-gift-giving event, and your answer may always be, "I don't know, just whatever." Well, that's me. 'Cause I have never been big on asking for big things from my folks, never wanted the really expensive things because I didn't want to be greedy or snobby. I didn't want them to have to spend that much money on me. I was happy with whatever they thought to get me for whatever birthday, Christmas, etc. The season makes me happy simply with being with them, that's my present.
But I am realizing that this is something that I have really wanted and was going to plan on getting myself, but then Mom offered to get it for me for my birthday. I have always wanted to learn to play an instrument. Always. I know a lot of people always say this, but I love music. I think that I would go crazy if it was suddenly forbidden. I would.
So I am excited about learning the banjo. Ecstatic, actually.
Mom wrote me back and said that she could swing it.
It dawned on me just a few minutes ago how big this is to me. You know, when family or friends ask you what you want for Christmas or your Birthday or some other holiday-gift-giving event, and your answer may always be, "I don't know, just whatever." Well, that's me. 'Cause I have never been big on asking for big things from my folks, never wanted the really expensive things because I didn't want to be greedy or snobby. I didn't want them to have to spend that much money on me. I was happy with whatever they thought to get me for whatever birthday, Christmas, etc. The season makes me happy simply with being with them, that's my present.
But I am realizing that this is something that I have really wanted and was going to plan on getting myself, but then Mom offered to get it for me for my birthday. I have always wanted to learn to play an instrument. Always. I know a lot of people always say this, but I love music. I think that I would go crazy if it was suddenly forbidden. I would.
So I am excited about learning the banjo. Ecstatic, actually.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
archive: 8 august 2007: identity commentary
I stumbled across a blog entry that got me thinking. His blog was talking about identity. I knew him when I worked at the college.
----------------------------------------
"Or why is it even limited to my blood?"
Exactly, B.
Although I do agree with most or all what Tambone has said in the comments below, I just wanted to add my two cents.
Identity is something I often struggle with, too, in many avenues: ethnically, sexually, gender, culturally/socially, and even economically.
As far as I know, my ancestry has primarily Irish, English, German background, some French, and some Native American (either Choctaw or Cherokee, not sure). That's just my Mother's side of the family because that's the tree we have sought out to trace. My Dad, on the other hand, was much more hesitant to talk about family and the ways it is connected. There's possibility there for any number of combinations of ethnic diversity (or not). Either way, I appreciate knowing "where my family comes from" because it gives me a "sense of place" in one form. I also appreciate the other sense of place that I relate to the community with which I feel most at home (which has been here in Berea).
Sexual identity, as I imagine you might understand with your own diverse group of friends who fit many a "label" in this group, but for me it has been an issue to sort out. It is frustrating when I come out to someone and they say "you don't LOOK gay." One, they are being narrow-minded in assuming that one must look gay. But Two, it always throws me a curveball in thinking that I need to portray myself more masculinely in order for others to identify me as gay... and yet that does not work well for me because I am as masculine and as feminine as I am comfortable being and still be myself. Any ounce more either way makes me feel as though I am not being myself (true) and that I may mis-convey to someone else an aspect of my personality. But that's gender, too. Sexually, it is complicated because one may be attracted to both genders, or just one gender. Why the limitation? And if sexual preference is indeed genetically related, then how and who in our expansive ancestries connect to us in the present with that gene? And if we relate to the Bible and the idea that we are all distantly related to Adam and Eve, then that would have to mean that both of them carried the gene. (please don't anyone smite me!) Just thinking, that's all!
Culturally/Socially - The people we spend time with when we are in earliest youth (parents/guardians), the children we grew up with (friends and enemies alike), the awkwardness of middle school and junior high when we start criticizing each other, the high school worries of dating and studies and career, the college worries of love, sex, career, etc... and the people who inspire and influence us throughout all these eras of our lives.... This is what also shapes us. This would also be part of nurture. I am sitting in my first literature class in junior high and I find that I love poetry. Better yet, I love to write it. A teacher guides and encourages me, compliments my work. This is nurturing of a talent I may have already had through genes or simply my personality. There are a lot of artists in my family. When I was under5 years old my mom used to paint all the time but she stopped and throughout my entire adolescence I wondered when she would paint again. She does now. Her mother's cousin was a children's book illustrator. So I have been interested in the arts either because my ancestry has creativity in it or that I simply was attracted to it and thus nurtured more towards it.
On another note with that, I consciously made a decision to be more accepting and less judgmental towards people based on their skin color. Why? because my father was very racist and prejudiced towards African-Americans when I was growing up and it hurt me in the long run. I lost several friends when I would have them over and they would hear him complaining loudly about his employees in a derogatory manner. And so I chose to be more accepting and understanding, to favor or dislike people solely on an individual basis, never as a group.
Economically is a little more challenging to explain. I guess I could say I come from a middle-middle class family. My dad worked hard (and paid the price with 3 tours in Vietnam) to give his family a comfortable means. I think he stayed in the Marines longer than he wanted because of the pension and benefits. He gambled to earn us a bit more than his company earned us during its harder times. His business did put us into debt for some time. But nonetheless, I think in my school setting I was somewhere in the middle. I was far from spoiled but I had what I needed and sometimes one of the 20 things I wanted. hehe. But as I get older and I am learning more about the people around me, the economics of those around me, and trying to live comfortably on my own... I even redefine what comfortable means. There are certain things I am used to that I don't need and I am willing to give away, do away with it. I used to think I wanted to have a huge personal library of books. Sure, that's nice, but what is it going to do on those shelves in my house? Collect dust and take up space and be inaccessible to others. If I have read it then I don't need to possess it physically. Same with everything else.
Ok. So my point is that ALL of that makes you be you, the PERSON you are, unique even moreso than a snowflake.
----------------------------------------
"Or why is it even limited to my blood?"
Exactly, B.
Although I do agree with most or all what Tambone has said in the comments below, I just wanted to add my two cents.
Identity is something I often struggle with, too, in many avenues: ethnically, sexually, gender, culturally/socially, and even economically.
As far as I know, my ancestry has primarily Irish, English, German background, some French, and some Native American (either Choctaw or Cherokee, not sure). That's just my Mother's side of the family because that's the tree we have sought out to trace. My Dad, on the other hand, was much more hesitant to talk about family and the ways it is connected. There's possibility there for any number of combinations of ethnic diversity (or not). Either way, I appreciate knowing "where my family comes from" because it gives me a "sense of place" in one form. I also appreciate the other sense of place that I relate to the community with which I feel most at home (which has been here in Berea).
Sexual identity, as I imagine you might understand with your own diverse group of friends who fit many a "label" in this group, but for me it has been an issue to sort out. It is frustrating when I come out to someone and they say "you don't LOOK gay." One, they are being narrow-minded in assuming that one must look gay. But Two, it always throws me a curveball in thinking that I need to portray myself more masculinely in order for others to identify me as gay... and yet that does not work well for me because I am as masculine and as feminine as I am comfortable being and still be myself. Any ounce more either way makes me feel as though I am not being myself (true) and that I may mis-convey to someone else an aspect of my personality. But that's gender, too. Sexually, it is complicated because one may be attracted to both genders, or just one gender. Why the limitation? And if sexual preference is indeed genetically related, then how and who in our expansive ancestries connect to us in the present with that gene? And if we relate to the Bible and the idea that we are all distantly related to Adam and Eve, then that would have to mean that both of them carried the gene. (please don't anyone smite me!) Just thinking, that's all!
Culturally/Socially - The people we spend time with when we are in earliest youth (parents/guardians), the children we grew up with (friends and enemies alike), the awkwardness of middle school and junior high when we start criticizing each other, the high school worries of dating and studies and career, the college worries of love, sex, career, etc... and the people who inspire and influence us throughout all these eras of our lives.... This is what also shapes us. This would also be part of nurture. I am sitting in my first literature class in junior high and I find that I love poetry. Better yet, I love to write it. A teacher guides and encourages me, compliments my work. This is nurturing of a talent I may have already had through genes or simply my personality. There are a lot of artists in my family. When I was under5 years old my mom used to paint all the time but she stopped and throughout my entire adolescence I wondered when she would paint again. She does now. Her mother's cousin was a children's book illustrator. So I have been interested in the arts either because my ancestry has creativity in it or that I simply was attracted to it and thus nurtured more towards it.
On another note with that, I consciously made a decision to be more accepting and less judgmental towards people based on their skin color. Why? because my father was very racist and prejudiced towards African-Americans when I was growing up and it hurt me in the long run. I lost several friends when I would have them over and they would hear him complaining loudly about his employees in a derogatory manner. And so I chose to be more accepting and understanding, to favor or dislike people solely on an individual basis, never as a group.
Economically is a little more challenging to explain. I guess I could say I come from a middle-middle class family. My dad worked hard (and paid the price with 3 tours in Vietnam) to give his family a comfortable means. I think he stayed in the Marines longer than he wanted because of the pension and benefits. He gambled to earn us a bit more than his company earned us during its harder times. His business did put us into debt for some time. But nonetheless, I think in my school setting I was somewhere in the middle. I was far from spoiled but I had what I needed and sometimes one of the 20 things I wanted. hehe. But as I get older and I am learning more about the people around me, the economics of those around me, and trying to live comfortably on my own... I even redefine what comfortable means. There are certain things I am used to that I don't need and I am willing to give away, do away with it. I used to think I wanted to have a huge personal library of books. Sure, that's nice, but what is it going to do on those shelves in my house? Collect dust and take up space and be inaccessible to others. If I have read it then I don't need to possess it physically. Same with everything else.
Ok. So my point is that ALL of that makes you be you, the PERSON you are, unique even moreso than a snowflake.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
archive: 7 august 2007: mini-poem
I'm in this place, this awkward space,
keeping pace with the ace of hearts...
I keep hiding in my lost deck of cards;
they're all weeping: What will be reaped
when we're found, a heart's truth sounded?
Arms wrapped around, surround, no rebound:
a word to keep pace with this merry-go-around.
I want to keep going but this is a mini-break a work...
Poetic thought trespassed my working thoughts and I was forced to break the pace of my typing tippity-tap-tap to wrestle out these lines in a form I've never written before... I like it. It's complicated, I know. I know what it is about.
keeping pace with the ace of hearts...
I keep hiding in my lost deck of cards;
they're all weeping: What will be reaped
when we're found, a heart's truth sounded?
Arms wrapped around, surround, no rebound:
a word to keep pace with this merry-go-around.
I want to keep going but this is a mini-break a work...
Poetic thought trespassed my working thoughts and I was forced to break the pace of my typing tippity-tap-tap to wrestle out these lines in a form I've never written before... I like it. It's complicated, I know. I know what it is about.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
archive: 5 august 2007: clifftop
Just a quick, I made it back to Berea! I got lost getting up there to Clifftop, WV, Saturday and I got there later than I had planned, but that happens. I'll post more about it later, with a few photos. I forgot to charge the battery before leaving so I didn't take many pictures but I recorded various snippets of jam sessions LATE Saturday night/Sunday morning. I'll post those eventually. It was awesome, fun, fantastico, and I hope to come every year. And I am even more excited about getting this banjo.
I sat there and watched a lot of banjo'rs strumming away, and I know I can do it. I just know it. I think it will just be a matter of the coordination of the frets and the strumming! haha!
Ok. The rain has stopped, so I better get going and get back home. I need to tend to the cats and do a little house-cleaning.
I sat there and watched a lot of banjo'rs strumming away, and I know I can do it. I just know it. I think it will just be a matter of the coordination of the frets and the strumming! haha!
Ok. The rain has stopped, so I better get going and get back home. I need to tend to the cats and do a little house-cleaning.
Friday, August 3, 2007
archive: 3 august 2007: troublesome ballad
I am re-writing that ballad.
There was music that followed the Lee Smith and Gurney Norman readings at Hindman Settlement School's Appalachian Writers Workshop. I cannot remember her name but she started off with two songs on her banjo, then one on the dulcimer, and one on the guitar and then a line-note song (Old Regular Baptist style). One of the songs on the banjo was a ballad all right, and it dawned on me I really need to change the way mine is written. "Bonnie and Sue" is written as a poem and there's no music in it. When I read it I cannot hear the music that it might fit to.... So I am going to listen to a LOT of ballads and get a better feel for this.
Plus, as much as I like the chorus in the one I have written, I think I will change the scheme to 4 lines, the 4th line either repeating the third or a line that is repeated each stanza. I think this will be the rhyme scheme, although it does not have to be strict. That all depends on how it is sung, I realize.
first line - A
second line - B
third line - B
fourth line/chorus line - A
I think there's still going to be a bit of speculation, "tell your own tale", but I haven't yet decided about whether or not I will insert myself as a newspaper/archivist in the telling of the story. But... I am just not satisfied with the ballad I have written so far... It just doesn't grab me. There's a few good images and ideas, but the wording just isn't good.
I also remembered last night when heading back home that when I first came to Berea for my interview at Berea College, I bought a cassette at the Artisan Center. It was Carla Gover's "Hush, My Restless Soul." Interesting how events pan out; that I would buy that cassette, move here for work, grow more and more interested in old-time and traditional/folk Appalachian music, meet Erynn Marshall (that rascally fiddler from Canada), meet Mitch Barrett, meet mudpi's Carol, Robert, John, and Glen, try my hand at writing a ballad for my poetry series and then want to learn how to play the banjo. Yep, that sums it up. Wow.
There was music that followed the Lee Smith and Gurney Norman readings at Hindman Settlement School's Appalachian Writers Workshop. I cannot remember her name but she started off with two songs on her banjo, then one on the dulcimer, and one on the guitar and then a line-note song (Old Regular Baptist style). One of the songs on the banjo was a ballad all right, and it dawned on me I really need to change the way mine is written. "Bonnie and Sue" is written as a poem and there's no music in it. When I read it I cannot hear the music that it might fit to.... So I am going to listen to a LOT of ballads and get a better feel for this.
Plus, as much as I like the chorus in the one I have written, I think I will change the scheme to 4 lines, the 4th line either repeating the third or a line that is repeated each stanza. I think this will be the rhyme scheme, although it does not have to be strict. That all depends on how it is sung, I realize.
first line - A
second line - B
third line - B
fourth line/chorus line - A
I think there's still going to be a bit of speculation, "tell your own tale", but I haven't yet decided about whether or not I will insert myself as a newspaper/archivist in the telling of the story. But... I am just not satisfied with the ballad I have written so far... It just doesn't grab me. There's a few good images and ideas, but the wording just isn't good.
I also remembered last night when heading back home that when I first came to Berea for my interview at Berea College, I bought a cassette at the Artisan Center. It was Carla Gover's "Hush, My Restless Soul." Interesting how events pan out; that I would buy that cassette, move here for work, grow more and more interested in old-time and traditional/folk Appalachian music, meet Erynn Marshall (that rascally fiddler from Canada), meet Mitch Barrett, meet mudpi's Carol, Robert, John, and Glen, try my hand at writing a ballad for my poetry series and then want to learn how to play the banjo. Yep, that sums it up. Wow.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
archive: 1 august 2007: rational and transcendent
I know... what's Laura doing on here again tonight? Restless. Finished watching Pick of Destiny (hilarious) and thought I would look up what the results of today's vote was if it is anywhere on the 'net. I also wanted to see my FreeWillAstrology horoscope.
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/allsigns.html
VIRGO
The modern war between science and spirituality seems laughable in light of the life of Sir Isaac Newton. His discoveries in the realms of physics, mathematics, and astronomy were so seminal and so numerous that he's regarded as the most influential scientist in history. Many refer to him as the greatest genius who ever lived. And yet Newton's central passions were alchemy and the Bible, about which he wrote millions of words, far more than what he devoted to his scientific interests. "Gravity explains the motions of the planets," he wrote, "but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion. God governs all things and knows all that is or can be done." I suggest you make Newton your role model, Virgo. It's a favorable time to forge a new spirit of cooperation between the two parts of your psyche -- let's call them the rational and the transcendent -- which so many of today's thinkers have told you cannot possibly co-exist.
Interesting, as I think of myself as a fairly rational person* who has always had some inclination towards the transcendental thought. I loved Emerson and Thoreau when I studied American Literature. I haven't read them in a long time, but I remember one or both of them discussing transcendentalism. Maybe I should look up that definition again...
Ok, this interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcendent
I didn't know there was this much related to the idea. American Transcendentalism is attributed to Emerson and Thoreau and others, like I remembered, and its "core beliefs was an ideal spiritual state that 'transcends' the physical and empirical and is only realized through the individual's intuition, rather than through the doctrines of established religions."
I don't know about anyone else, but that kinda makes sense to me. But I remember more of Emerson's other writings on nature. I guess I need to re-read some of this.
* (I trouble myself with rationalizing my own feelings sometimes and it sometimes make simple things complicated for me. But lately I've just been going along with "I feel happy right now" and that is good)
http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/allsigns.html
VIRGO
The modern war between science and spirituality seems laughable in light of the life of Sir Isaac Newton. His discoveries in the realms of physics, mathematics, and astronomy were so seminal and so numerous that he's regarded as the most influential scientist in history. Many refer to him as the greatest genius who ever lived. And yet Newton's central passions were alchemy and the Bible, about which he wrote millions of words, far more than what he devoted to his scientific interests. "Gravity explains the motions of the planets," he wrote, "but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion. God governs all things and knows all that is or can be done." I suggest you make Newton your role model, Virgo. It's a favorable time to forge a new spirit of cooperation between the two parts of your psyche -- let's call them the rational and the transcendent -- which so many of today's thinkers have told you cannot possibly co-exist.
Interesting, as I think of myself as a fairly rational person* who has always had some inclination towards the transcendental thought. I loved Emerson and Thoreau when I studied American Literature. I haven't read them in a long time, but I remember one or both of them discussing transcendentalism. Maybe I should look up that definition again...
Ok, this interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcendent
I didn't know there was this much related to the idea. American Transcendentalism is attributed to Emerson and Thoreau and others, like I remembered, and its "core beliefs was an ideal spiritual state that 'transcends' the physical and empirical and is only realized through the individual's intuition, rather than through the doctrines of established religions."
I don't know about anyone else, but that kinda makes sense to me. But I remember more of Emerson's other writings on nature. I guess I need to re-read some of this.
* (I trouble myself with rationalizing my own feelings sometimes and it sometimes make simple things complicated for me. But lately I've just been going along with "I feel happy right now" and that is good)
archive: 1 august 2007: future
I need to go through my apartment and clear out more stuff. Its not cluttered, but at the same time, all the *things* I have bog me down by being something that reminds me I cannot pack up and move easily if it ever comes to pass that I will need to. That or to move into a smaller place here. I like this apartment but at the same time it drains me... I cannot paint it. I prefer hardwood floors (Oh, I miss the duplex on Morningside Street owned by the college that I lived in when I first moved here!). I don't need big fluffy couches 'cause my cats can't seem to stop clawing them (and I cannot bear the thought of declawing them).
I don't want to leave Berea.
I am going to have to come up with some creative endeavors to stay around here. I am starting to think that I may have to see what I think I can do that has nothing to do with my degree.... I want to continue working as an archivist though, because just knowing that I have helped in some small way make something more accessible on the internet for others to study and learn from. That's why I was bound and determined to make sure THIS was online for the project I did at Berea College. Its a brief history lesson of a kind, and teachers could use it in a high school setting or as an introduction to the CSM in a college course setting.
I don't know. I have interests in a lot of things. If I could live on nothing I would. But I don't think I can, and there's so many projects and causes that I would like to contribute to actively. But a 8-5 job also seems to prevent even those kinds of activities.
AGH! Why can't it be simple?
I am behind on my work, I know, and I am going to have to spend more hours in the office getting this done. Might mean staying late. Probably will mean bringing it home and tying myself to the chair to type it there. Yeah. Oh the joy, but I gotta do this. In two weeks it is due. I will get it done.
I don't want to leave Berea.
I am going to have to come up with some creative endeavors to stay around here. I am starting to think that I may have to see what I think I can do that has nothing to do with my degree.... I want to continue working as an archivist though, because just knowing that I have helped in some small way make something more accessible on the internet for others to study and learn from. That's why I was bound and determined to make sure THIS was online for the project I did at Berea College. Its a brief history lesson of a kind, and teachers could use it in a high school setting or as an introduction to the CSM in a college course setting.
I don't know. I have interests in a lot of things. If I could live on nothing I would. But I don't think I can, and there's so many projects and causes that I would like to contribute to actively. But a 8-5 job also seems to prevent even those kinds of activities.
AGH! Why can't it be simple?
I am behind on my work, I know, and I am going to have to spend more hours in the office getting this done. Might mean staying late. Probably will mean bringing it home and tying myself to the chair to type it there. Yeah. Oh the joy, but I gotta do this. In two weeks it is due. I will get it done.
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