vivid dream

I had such a vivid and emotional dream last night that I woke with both a feeling of sadness and dread for someone.  I don't remember all the details, such as what town I was in and why.  I know I was somewhere I wasn't usually at, and neither was my friend, M.  I was with some other friends going to bars to listen to live music and I was taking pictures of the bands.  At some point we were in a large building and in this building was a police station. I was able to look into the police station and see who was being arrested and booked for overnight stays, etc.  I saw my friend, M, being escorted into the station.  He was noticeably drunk, a cynical drunk.  He wasn't trying to strike out at anyone, but he was belligerent and vocal.  In real life I have never seen him this way and I don't know if he'd get this way if he did get drunk.  But in any case, in the dream he was being escorted into the station.  they sat him down in a seat along the wall and as he looked around himself, he looked out the windows of the station and saw me.  His whole countenance fell.  His eyes turned downcast. I not only could feel his embarrassment and shame in the dream, but I woke with it.  I woke right about this point, feeling both very sad, and feeling as though someone I knew was full of disappointment, shame, and embarrassment. 

I've only woke with this heavy-laden feelings once before after having a dream in which I knew that my boyfriend at the time was going to break up with me very soon. In the dream we all were at his brother's wedding, but I was sitting at a table alone. I looked around and made eye contact with my boyfriend. His expression of sadness and pity rippled through me and in the dream I realized I shouldn't be there, that he and I had broken up, and suddenly I felt embarrassed and wanted to flee.  I woke with a very heavy feeling on my chest.  That was on a Thursday, and on Saturday we broke up.

I wonder how real dreams are sometimes.  Maybe the situation has not and will not happen, but the strong emotions in the dream may be connected to the other person more than we ever thought possible.  I wanted to call M this morning to see if he is all right.  I'll probably call him Saturday afternoon.

confession

I confess
I love you in a multitude of ways.
The wind turns a leaf over in the sidewalk.
Just as I pass sunlight illuminates its face.
I watch the sunset knowing at dusk
you're walking towards where it set.
You turn back as the moon rises
and take up a pen to write lines.
I wonder if I should confess
there are dreams not meant to come true.
And I confess I know
that I cannot love you in all ways
anymore.

Ramona

I've been researching Ramona, the novel by Helen Hunt Jackson. I found the original 1910 silent film produced by D.W. Griffith for American Biograph on YouTube.



I have to find a 1936 copy of Ramona so I can watch it in its entirety and then compare it to the novel. I already suspect that most of the racial conflict will have been omitted in favor of increasing drama/romance that Helen Hunt Jackson included only because she thought it would attract more readers: reel them in with the romantic story and inform them of the injustice that took place in Southern California, thus winning sympathy and rallying support for Native American land rights acts in Congress. Instead, tourism eventually became the enterprise... I still have to find the film, though. In one of the collections at work we have a ton of lobby cards from the 1936 production of Ramona which I can use to illustrate for the exhibit.