Introspection and E.M. (more rambles)

Introspection and E.M. (more rambles) 

 

Been very introspective today. In part I think I let my thinking and emotions distract and procrastinate away from something I was going to do, which was to reconnect with a friend I have somehow lost contact with… No idea why we’ve not talked or visited with each other for months. I’m weird, though, when I have to be the one to reach out and tie down the time lost to a phone call, an invitation to meet, dinner… The longer I wait the longer I berate myself for letting it get this way. It’s not that I don’t think about them often, I do.

I think I’m growing more like my dad, less expressive in person, even if I do talk, talk, talk… Again the journals and writing for emotions. I’m just afraid of being rejected, is all, and even friendships can be awkward.

Okay. Tuesday. Phone call. Damnit, Laura.

Oh… Maybe I am an emotional masochist? Is that even a thing? I have been known to be attracted to those who are emotionally unavailable, or at least that’s what some friends described those persons. Also, I’d become emotionally invested in the unattainable. No, not pursuing someone who was taken, but someone who I may never meet or see again, someone who doesn’t share the same kinds of feelings, someone who is attracted to someone else… Whathaveyou. Yeah, an emotional masochist MUST be a term. Google here I come.