Ok... sometimes men just piss me off. Sometimes they rock. Sometimes they're all sweet and intelligent and all the things you want them to be... and then...
And then its like they get their head stuck in some crack and they don't seem to remember to do anything that you wish that they would do. Oh, sometimes they do a little of what you ask, but then they don't do all of what you ask. Tell me more than just a little bit! "gone to see a movie" OKAY! So tell me what movie you're gone to see!!! I mean, if he's not going to spend time chatting with me (after a day of not getting the chance to) then tell me more about whats going on. Or was there that much of a rush to go? (looks at time idle on AIM, deducts time to get to other city for movie theatre....) Okay... so he didn't seem to have much time I guess... BUT STILL! *sigh* I dunno what I am asking...
I guess I am just bitching cause I am here, he is there, and the distance drives me crazy. And I expect certain things to happen and when they don't happen, I am highly disappointed. Not a good habit, and I have tried to not do it as much, but... its impossible for me not to do it. Just the idea that he most likely would have been at his apartment seemed logical to me. I certainly didn't expect the pattern to change and for him to go off with a good friend of his to see a movie... *sigh* damnit. I am running myself into my own wall.
Maybe I need to go back to a counselor. I went to one while I was having problems with Mike. But I am not having problems with my boyfriend now, I am having problems with myself. In the past, I went to sort out my feelings, to figure out exactly who I was. She and I didn't always talk about my relationship with Mike and why I wasn't happy. We talked about my issue with short skirts, male attention and my dislike for the physical attention that they give off, etc etc... I think I need to know why I "need" to build expectations all the time and then when I am confronted with something other than what I expected, I am surprised, confused, upset, disappointed. Why must I make these expectations? Is it so wrong to expect things a certain way, things that seem to be reasonable to me?
At times I have a wonderful sense of well-being, or make myself feel like I do, and then other times I just want to crawl under a stone and stay there until the world ends. But then.... I wouldn't be with MBH anymore if I did that.
hmm... and a counselor? I can't afford that right now! My budget is slim slim slim... Especially after that wreck in december. And I want my damn car back! I am tired of this stupid rental car! *goes off mumbling bitchiness under her breath*
Click here for a pop-up page of the lyrics for "under your skin" by luscious jackson
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