Hmph... somewhat recent events and new knowledge / understanding has re-opened my eyes once again. Its weird how I have cycles into this realm and into that realm. The realms of sexuality.
I have considered it. There have been times I nearly came close to suggesting it to a friend of mine that I rarely ever see, and usually in passing... but see, for the last 10 or 12 months I have known she's a lesbian. Her name is G. G, for me, represents the possibility of "trying out" the impulses or desires or urges to see what another girl is like... BUT... its like she's loose with everyone she knows and I wouldn't even know if she'd be up to that. BUT... that chance is all gone now too, because last week she told me she was moving away, that I needed to get in touch with her before Sunday, and I forgot. So I don't know where she's moved to, whether somewhere else in the city, state, region... I dunno. I dunno if she even has a girlfriend, much less a lover, or just looking for that perfect love like the rest of us.
But there have been other discussions and events happening, amongst friends I care deeply about, even for having known them for so short a time already... they are my best friends now. And learning this new thing has brought up curiousities once again. But my chance couldn't happen with either one of them for a variety of reasons... they are learning about each other, and they are fairly close friends with me and my boyfriend.
But the boyfriend also presents another thought... that I couldn't go all the way through it, or if I did, it would be purely sexual. I love my boyfriend... this is someone I value more than anything else. I think about him and us together, and everything... and there's a bond there that nothing can compete with. Friendships definitely compare to it, but on their own level. There are intimacies between a boyfriend and girlfriend that are not only sexual... there are ones that are so deeply emotional that you can't label them anything other than love. The intimacies between close female friends are those of honesty and trust, loyalty and respect... a girl could know every bit of detail of my life, but she wouldn't know the intimacy I have with my boyfriend... not as long as I am straight. lol...
I don't know... maybe one day I will reach a point where I would be willing to try something like this, with or without him there, but also with his full knowledge and understanding... And my own willingness to accept that part of me... maybe it could be emotional, on some level comparable to the emotions I have with him. I won't know until I try it... one day.
For now, I don't know exactly what to think of my new information. Its surprising, yes. Its definitely not what I was expecting, yes. But do I find it unacceptable, no. Its perfectly fine... I love these two people... they are dear friends and I only hope that they are doing things that make them happy. As long as no one gets hurt in the end, then all is great. I don't know either of them that well to know whether or not either one of them is confused or just running away from something else. I can't make a judgement call like that unless I had known them for a long long time...
Though, I have had one of the weirdest dreams before... and its the first dream I have had with these two people in it. I was in my room, and stuff began to happen. (I am not putting details here) And one started off having one color hair and later the hair changed to another color hair. I knew who the hair colors represented. And I woke up somewhat satisfied and bewildered. Confused. I couldn't ever ask either of them for anything anywhere near like that... because... 1) they are learning it themselves now, and 2) they wouldn't.
Anyway, I couldn't type this in my OD because too many people read it. I made this entry's security level so that only my livejournal friends could read it... Maybe later I will undo that setting... but for now, it stays.
EDIT 11/16/2004: the two girls I talk about in here never did anything sexual. It was a joke they were playing on someone else, through the use of a LJ, and I was gulliable and believed it. They couldn't tell me that it wasn't true (just yet) because that would have blown the joke. The wanted to see what someone's response to that would have been. It was really funny though. :)
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