I should go out tonight. I have been working on downloading various articles, pictures, websites all day long (for this stupid idea of a fan site I cooked up) and now I am tired. I don't want to do anything, but if I don't do anything I am going to be so freaking depressed tonight and tomorrow that I won't go and hike on Monday or do anything enjoyable at all... or eat, or anything good.
Maybe I will go to Club Liquid. I should have gone to Mia's again last night to see MotherJane play. Its possible that girl Natalie could have been there. But my chance at that has passed and I was too shy and embarrassed at myself to make a real pass at her. I dunno. I am horrible at that sort of thing. I am so obvious it must be scary to someone else. heh. Or else maybe everyone else is too dense to understand. But I didn't go, and they are not playing tonight. Some guy named Eric Cummings is playing there tonight, and I have not heard of him.
I wish Letonia or Carole would ever call me, but I don't believe they ever will. That friendship is more of an acquaintance, in passing, and friendly when we run into each other, but I am not part of the "group." I hate that kind of crap. But I refuse to force myself into cliques if its not that easy. Anyway, I can hardly see any of those people but on the weekends, 'cause I live 40 minutes South of them all. Bleh. See... I am already getting depressed just thinking about it.
Last night I fell asleep realizing it is July. Its almost been a year since I moved here. Its been 3 months since Becky and I broke up, and I have had no dates whatsoever since then. I have tried talking with people online, meeting people online, but that seems to never work very well at all. So I really should try going out tonight. But its always alone, and if I am not lucky in running into someone I kinda know, or actually talking with someone, then I am really bored and lonely and feeling alienated. I cannot stand feeling that way, and it makes me want to drink more. And I can't because I gotta drive home. heh. It sucks.
Anyway... I think I am going to call my mom back, talk to her for a few minutes, and then take a shower, get something to eat, drink some coffee, and get on the road... maybe. I dunno. You tell me.
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