I had a massively long dream last night, and when I woke up I couldn't remember it, but now I am remember snippets of it.
I know that I was in this huge bookstore, two-story, dark wood stain, very nice and up-scale. It was beautiful. And I was walking along. There were hundreds of people in this store, and of every kind too. There was this group of ghetto girls hanging out and I saw one person who didn't seem to really "fit" the rest of the ghetto girl look: Becky. And I saw her. She just kinda looked at me first, then looked away and was watching something the other girls were doing, some kind of dance thing maybe. I stayed where I was standing, a little ways down the aisle, next to a shelf of puzzles or games. Then she looked my way again and smiled. I really didn't know what to make of that smile. I took a step towards her and she continued her smile and gestured her hand, "come here." So I did. And we stood there watching the ghetto girls dance for a little while. Then we walked away, talked for a while. (I KNOW I heard words from her mouth in the dream, but I cannot remember them.) Then there was this section of the bookstore which seemed to focus on theatre, with costumes and theatrical pictures on the wall. I started looking up at the pictures and I found a couple which were titled and signed by me. They had white frames with white mattes and red block lettering for the title and my name. The pictures were of horses and the horsetrack. Then Becky comes out of nowhere again and she has bought me a game of some sort. I open it up and its got this gameboard of the world, but its distorted and the US is larger than everything else, kinda 3-D-like. There are cards and other stuff on the left side of the box. I thank her. I really don't know what to make of the game. At some point in walking around, I misplace the game and when we look for it we cannot find it.
Then we are in the parking lot of an apartment complex. Its not one I have ever been in and not the one she lives in now. There's a pond. And we go upstairs to her apartment. I don't remember much about it except for a couch facing a TV. I sit down on the couch, and so does she. She makes to lay down and gestures to me to lay beside her, cuddle. So we do. And its nice laying close to her. We don't do anything, not even kiss, just laying close.
Then she gets up to get something to drink. She comes back and instead of sitting next to me again, she sits on the floor in front of me. And she asks me "Do you want to get back together with me?" And I pause a long time, thinking, and her facial expression does not change. She looks like she is ready for any answer. And I say, "I don't think I am ready. I miss you, but I don't think it was right for us." She nods. I say, "Can I say something without you taking it the wrong way? Without you getting upset at me about it?" She says ok. I say, "I think you need some kind of help. Some kind of counseling." She nodded, said she knew that. She didn't seem angry at my saying that. She said she might do something. We talked a little longer about other things, and then I left. It felt as if there was some kind of closure.
I don't know why I had this big dream, but it was nice to finally have a dream where things ended fairly positively. I guess I will think about her and dream about her like this sometimes because she was my first relationship with a woman, same as I think about the first time I ever had sex with a guy, and the first serious and sexual relationship I had with a guy (though he was very wrong for me). People have an affect on my life and the way I perceive things. Its just a fact.
Anyway, I have a few household things to do, then I need to get going to Lexington. I will probably leave by 2 or 3. I gotta find a Kinko's up there for my cards.
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