I am sitting here at work typing up a box list for a box I gotta put back in the shelf for the meantime. Boxlists will be helpful when to further break down the Organizations series into its smaller groups of organizations.
But my mind travels while I work and I was thinking about sexuality more...
I completely forget the order of things sometimes... transitions and whatnot. Before I left Mississippi last summer, I was already deciding that I did not want to get married, in the traditional man and woman sense. I don't see it, really. It could happen, but I doubt it, and I made clear to my mom that I didn't doubt it in that "Oh, I don't think I will ever meet the right person, oh woe is me, I'm depressed way." I also told all this to my friend Alison and that was her first worry for me. But no, its more of a "I think I will be traveling a large part of my life, living in one place probably 2-3 or 3-4 years at a time, and I don't think that would be good for a family." And wouldn't it be more fun to move around, traveling, seeing more of the country, and possibly, the world? I think, in a small way, I was giving my mom a hint... I had that crush on Alison, and it was hard knowing that (1) she's striaght, and (2) that I only started crushing on her about two weeks before I moved here. And I had some serious dreams about her. ;) Anyway, I told mom about not marrying idea, and she seemed pretty cool with it. Really, for the most part, she went on to say that, although she loves me and my sister and does not regret having us at all, that having a family often inhibits a woman from pursuing her career or dreams and goals. My mom is picking up painting after 20 years. I am so proud of her. I really wish this was something that she had been able to continue with while married to my dad, but Dad's kinda... well, he wasn't the most accomodating person, but rather demanding and unyielding.
I am sooo rambling. So... the last time I had sex with a man was just horrible (just bad sex, not rape or anything like that), and that was (counts) a year and four months ago... And since then I have not had any desire to be with a man sexually again, and being with a woman for 3 months confirmed that "curiousity" I had mildly supressed for so long 'cause I lived in MS. And after really thinking about it for myself, if someone must know the label for my sexuality, I could call myself a lesbian or a bisexual... either fits me, for the most part. I mean, I have had sex with guys, and now I am only interested in pursuing relationships with women... so that could call me bisexual. But I think that because I really don't see myself ever pursuing a relationship with a man, I would rather consider myself a lesbian.
But then again, I am sure at some point in my life I may meet someone who totally surprises me. Possibility is always there, and assuming anything else is just being narrow-minded.
Anyway... afternoon coffee break time is almost over. I better go get something and then get back in here. After work I gotta run to Barnes and Noble to get my pictures, then I plan to hit Old Navy and hope the jeans I like are there and fit me comfortably, and maybe a shoe store. I need some better running shoes. I feel the urge to try to start running a little more often... at least be more active or something.
No comments:
Post a Comment