Feeling kinda moody right now. I had to move some photos around on my hard drive and I ended up looking in a few photo folders for January... There's this one of Becky giving me this look... Its half-surprise, half-why-the-hell-are-you-taking-my-picture? look. It also says a lot more than that, and its really hard how to describe it, but her eyes are very clear and... its the kind of picture she talked to me about, except, I am not sure this is one she'd worry much about. She didn't let me take many pictures of her because "I don't want your future girlfriends to see how much I loved you." I understood what she meant, but... I like to have pictures of people, especially those people I care about. Anyway... So... I was looking at one picture where I caught her off-guard, and its almost a look of "don't you dare test me." Knowing that the relationship ended as it did, and seeing that look, and knowing she never wants to see me (nor any of her past exes) again... its really hard to put any closure on that.
I cannot do what she did; I cannot remove everything she ever gave me and throw it away or give it away. She left everything I ever gave her in a bag on my doorstep... Except, I know there's a few things missing. There's a CD of only Melissa Ferrick songs still in her apartment somewhere. There's also artsy pictures of her and me... These pics are just the same picture, a pose, where I edited it in various ways in paintshop pro... and I printed them. I do not have those, but she has them somewhere.
Why is it that I am always thinking about what has happened in the past? I don't live in it, I know that, but its that there are reminders almost all the time. Do other people acknowledge these little reminders at all, or just ignore them? Like, every time I see the street sign for Locust Hill, I know that is where Becky works, or when I see Great Clips stores. heh. There's other things. But oh well. If other people don't think like that sometimes, then its just something I already know how to deal with... Its there, but I don't put much thought into it. The past is the past, but that doesn't mean I didn't take the time to learn from it... I did.
I am feeling restless though. The trip to Dayton was allright. Had its ups and downs. But I loved the Melissa Ferrick concert, and Katie Todd (opening act) was great too. I added her myspace to my friendslist.
I guess I have other things to do now... later
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