I feel like writing but I don't really have anything significant to say. I feel like there's a story I should tell but I don't know whose story to tell. And I don't feel I have all the facts, and I could embelish and fill in the gaps with imagination, thinking logically what might have happened in the places I was not involved, but I feel as if that is lying. If I don't have the facts, I don't tell the story.
I really need to write about my grandmother. Both of them actually. The one, Boo, who I grew up with knowing and who lived next door to my family all my adolescent years. And there's the grandmother I never met. Both have passed away. Boo died November of 2004. And Lucy Baker died last Monday morning. I still have to write cards to my aunts and uncles. The complete story about Lucy is one I will probably never have, because people never talk negatively about the dead. The bits I think I know include a turning away from her children when her husband abused one of her daughters. And when that daughter came to her and told her what happened, she didn't believe her daughter, and stayed with him. To me, that is a frightening story. I need to go to West Virginia and see my aunt. I've only met her twice and she is one of the sweetest women alive. Maybe I will see her sometime in the summer for a weekend.
I should get back to work. I have a headache though, and I'd rather not work with something mundane. Reading other people's entries have made me want to write about family. I should spend time writing about each family member... everything that I know. A few weeks ago I sat in Live Wire and wrote in a notebook a list of things which reminded me of my grandmother, Boo, both good and bad. I have some fond memories of her, and I have memories I don't recall - if that makes sense - of her being very mean. Mom told me of afternoons coming back from her trailer crying because she'd been mean to me. Afterall, she was an alcoholic, but I didn't know that back then. I knew my dad was an alcoholic, but I didn't realize my grandmother was one too. I didn't make any connections; I only associated certains actions and behavior with certain labels.
I never said I wasn't naive. Oh, I was very naive.
back to work. I shall write more later sometime.
No comments:
Post a Comment